I want to stick Bob's dick inside me, but that isn't happeni..

I want to stick Bob's dick inside me, but that isn't happening. I asked him to do me, but he has family shit going on. That pesky family of his. Gets in the way of my dick time. Bob is more agreeable lately, but that's because I'm involving him in my swinger stuff. He digs that. I don't blame him. It's been a fun past few weeks. Looking forward to more "swinger" stuff in the future.

Swingers are getting politically correct. They want to use the term Lifestyle Couples. Shut up. You're a fucking swinger. Own it. Lifestyle Couple. Sounds like a term for fruity ding dongs. Just saying. Someone asked me how long I was in "the lifestyle" the other day. I said what lifestyle is that? They got all like, "You know...the lifestyle." I said, "No, I don't know, elaborate." They got all hush-hush and said, "You know...the swinger lifestyle." I loudly replied, "Oh, how long have I been a swinger? Why didn't you just ask?" I probably shouldn't have been such a dick about it, but call things what they are and quit beating around the bush.

I have a guy who lives on my street who always walks around with a selfie stick. Today, he had it extended all the way out and up in the air, filming himself. He stopped and said hi when he saw me. I said, "What are you doing, taking a good long look at yourself?" He looked at me funny. He didn't get the punchline. My jokes often fall flat like that.

What's it like having grandchildren? You know when the donkey followed Shrek home and wouldn't stop talking? It's like that.

Guys think they corner the market by thinking about doing dirty stuff to women. Just as many women want to do even dirtier things to dicks with all their holes. Most guys don't want to know what their girlfriends are really thinking because it might not be about them. They might just be right. That's a good thing. At least, it is for me. Just saying.