Can't type out a post because I am in the woods but it is se..
Can't type out a post because I am in the woods but it is self explanatory šš»š
2021-02-10 20:34:37 +0000 UTC View Post
brooketyler posts
Post 1 of 2: Here are a few pics from yesterday. I forgot ..
Post 1 of 2: Here are a few pics from yesterday. I forgot to take them off my phone and almost deleted them. I do that a lot. Delete stuff. Beats losing money, though. I fucking hate when I lose money. Falls out of my purse, who knows how it gets gone, but when it does, I get all bent out of shape. Why am I telling you this? I donāt know. Ok, so back to typing. You can keep the speech to text apps. They suck balls. That is all I will say about that. Words of wisdom. Beware of this post/tweet usually accompanied with a version of this. āOoh baby do you love my pic? I love you so much! You make me so hornyā Anyone who says they love you without ever spending 1 second of face-to-face time is a money vacuum. As soon as they say that, expect a follow up with āClick this link for more!ā What they really love is draining your bank account. Donāt worry, they do the exact same thing to me and yes, depending on how hot they areā¦ I almost tempted to fall for it. Almost being the key word. Good news. I got my Jeep up and running. I want to lie and tell you I did it all by myself because I like doing things by myself, but I had help. I pulled the steering column apart down to the lock bolt. Changed the ignition switch, and that didnāt fix it. I promptly forgot how I pulled the column apart, broke a snap ring that nobody carries and basically screwed shit up massively. I know a guyā¦ I know lots of guys, but I know this particular guy gets shit done. I like guys that get shit done. He made a snap ring from another snap ring somehow, and an hour later the steering column looked like nothing happened. He was leaned over on his backing looking under the dash and I couldnāt help myself. I groped his junk. Why not? He almost banged his head from the surprise grope. This is in my front yard we are doing this. I told him to go with it. I pulled his dick out and that was not an easy feat. It was hard, in underwear, and big enough to get stuck on everything while I was pulling it out. Finally, out it popped, and I stroked that fucker till it was bright purple and dripping. I would have liked to just bend over and let him breed me with his angry penis, but those pesky neighbors are always watching. So I kept stroking. I enjoy stroking dicks. They feel good in my hand. Just feels, I donāt know, right. If you get them hard enough, then you can feel every brief twitch, pulse, throb. I like looking at the expressions guys make when I have their cock in my hand. I control pretty much everything when I have your dick and balls in my grip. I could make him close his eyes and make the O face if I twisted my hands in the opposite direction. If I just went to a good old trusty stroke the head and massage the balls technique, he would open his eyes and breathe hard. Just when his entire body went stiff, I let go, and he demanded I keep stroking. I didnāt, I just stared at his dick, which started jerking around in that seizure dicks have when they are about to explode. I would say his dick was stroking out for about 10 seconds before a massive pour of sperm drooled out. It stopped and then pumped another two or three large pours of jizz. All of that and I didnāt touch it. How awesome was that? Very awesome! I tried to ask him like technical questions about his cum, but he called me weird and clammed up. What? Iām curious. It looks so perfect when guys cum like that. I want to know what itās like for guys. Just the fact you empty your nuts makes me annoyingly curious what that feels like. Anyway he did say he couldnāt remember a more extreme cum and though he would do it again it was scary intense. Which makes me even more curiousā¦ the bastard! He had to go home with a shirt covered in cum stains. Tough cookies for him, I do it all the time! Catch you all later!
2021-02-10 17:09:32 +0000 UTC View Post
First update of the day, solid 70 plus degrees this morning ..
First update of the day, solid 70 plus degrees this morning so no complaints here š„šš» Well, the dog is an issue, but if that is the worst of my problems I am kicking serious ass.
2021-02-10 14:30:24 +0000 UTC View PostHello everyone. I got to keep the posts short and simple. ..
Hello everyone. I got to keep the posts short and simple. We have a ho injury. Someone sound the Ho Down alarm. I jammed my finger. Not jamming it up some hot chicks ass mind you but tripped and grabbed on to a counter and jammed up the old forefinger quite nicely. My point in telling you this is I am going to keep my thoughts short and sweet because typing is not ideal. I got a good one planned for today but I need a mic for my speech to text thing to work so off to BestBuy I go. Fuck, I haven't been there in ages but they say they have what I need online so catch you all in a bit.
2021-02-09 17:23:41 +0000 UTC View PostI know I have been absent for most of the day, but I had goo..
I know I have been absent for most of the day, but I had good reason. I was getting a box full of dick. Which by way of said fucking, obtained a full size testicle load in said box. So there, I had a good and gooey excuse. Itās not much of a video but itās a video so cut a girl a break. Itās hard to fuck properly and keep a camera going. Hence the end result only. So, yes, I am happy about that. I can still feel it squirming around inside of me, and that means one thing. I will need to finger myself off in remembrance of said fuck. So it is written, so it shall be done. Quit trying to drag me into politics. Donāt email me about politics, tweet me about politics, text me about politics. I will disappoint you. I swing wildly to the left, and then wildly back to the right. Rinse and repeat. Depends on the subject. That is exactly how I like it to be. I will not blindly agree with you, nor will I blindly disagree. I will make my own informed opinion when I am good and fucking ready and I donāt base my decisions off of moronic memes from Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter. I donāt base my opinion on anyone because of their political leanings. If we all agreed on everything, we would all be morons walking off a cliff because someone said it was a good idea. Here is one of the few phrases I actually try to live byā¦ if you think you are the smartest person in the room, youāre not. Politics are personal to me, and I donāt need anyone telling me what to think. I can fuck things up just fine all by myself, I donāt need your help. Thank you for your cooperation. Dick ratings, I am so behind on dick ratings. I love rating dicks, but I am not sure you guys dig all my ratings. I call them like I see them. If you want a five star review, no matter what, find some chick on here that calls you babe, tells you she loves you, and then asks for money. You will get your five star review. I, on the other hand, will point out the zit on the tip of said dick and apply the required zit deduction. I will deduct points for lack of grooming. Fuzzy pictures, lack of testicles, not hard, all will get you less than a stellar review. Donāt blame the messenger. So take some pride in your dick pics fella, put some effort into them. It will be worth it in the end. Hell, it might even end up in someoneās end if you keep it upā¦ literally! I am not a shy person. I might need to learn to tone it down, though. I find I am offending people more and more these days. It may be that people are just more easily offended, I donāt know. When I was a kid, we used to throw lawn darts at each other. Now they arenāt allowed to play Dodge Ball. They asked me at the bank what my line of work was and I said adult productions. She looked fuzzy about it so I just blurted out, āPorn, I make porn.ā I was just replacing a debit card, not sure why she wanted to know. I think she was trying to upsell me on something, and that went terribly wrong for her. To the point she got up and got another teller. He was quite professional. All smiles took care of business and on my way I went. I donāt think she was fond of my career choice. Oh well, it would be a problem if I gave one fuck about her opinion, but no fucks are given so problem averted. My bank knows full well what I do and have so for years. I have several accounts, one being a business with the name of MYLF Tyler Productions. If you canāt figure it out from that, you have lived way too sheltered. Just saying. Man, I sound angry today. Iām not at all. Iām in a good mood. Freshly bred, freshly orgasmed. All is good. Text sometimes doesnāt come out in the proper mood I guess. I will cut it off here and catch you in a bit.
2021-02-09 01:26:55 +0000 UTC View PostHow are you now? I'm just doing a quick update, working on ..
How are you now? I'm just doing a quick update, working on more as we speak...so sit tight, I will make it right!
2021-02-08 16:46:49 +0000 UTC View PostJust a quick update for the sake of making an update. What ..
Just a quick update for the sake of making an update. What can I say, I get off on making these posts... why fight it? š
2021-02-07 14:09:49 +0000 UTC View PostPost 1 of 2: Happy Sunday morning, everyone. Hope all is g..
Post 1 of 2: Happy Sunday morning, everyone. Hope all is going well. I am having a minor lack of penis problem, and last night did not solve that problem. I know you all think I can get laid 24/7 but reality is, I canāt. It isnāt as easy as one thinks. I run into the same problems you do. Letās talk first. Maybe go on a few dates. I think I said this in an earlier post, talk to your therapist, the only talking I want to do is pointing out where I want you to leave your sperm in me. People these days, too much talking, not enough action. Itās putting my vagina into a recession. I do prefer a ābullā market, if you know what I mean. I have some prospects today, we shall see how they turn out. I will keep you posted. I did not get laid. I did not get paid. No mess in my pussy was made. I went to the bar; I flirted, and I flaunted, but I had to leave in my car as all the dicks were undaunted. Not a one stood up, not a one got hard, I thought I would get stuffed if I played the right card. I needed a good fuck; I needed a good reaming, even a good suck, filling my mouth with semen. Thatās all I got, but pretty much sums up the night. Have I ever been caught masturbating was the question. Of course. Probably more times than I have fingers to count. I have caught other people beating their meat as well. One time I caught this guy in my bathroom beating off and I offered to swallow his load. I was serious. His penis looked so edible sitting there in his hand, all hard, veiny, fat and purple. His face turned the same color as his dick and his dick went from hero to zero. He was limp before he could get it back into his pants. I thought it was an excellent offer. He apparently let the shock of him getting caught stroking off to get the better of his dick. I never saw him again after that, so his dick never knew the pleasure of letting his jizz flow down my throatā¦ which also means I never got a bellyful of his cum. We both lost out on that one. What happens if you catch me? I like to keep eye contact, but again, people are more shocked that they caught me fingering myself than I am being caught. I am happy to let them finish watching, I might even invite the right person to join in/help out. But they run away like it was some kind of big deal. To them, I guess it is. To me, Iām just getting offā¦ whatās the problem? People often ask me to meat with them sight unseen, cold call, blind date. I often refer to my serial killer code. Never meat with people you donāt know lest you end in a hefty bag or four on the side of the highway. Yes, I know I made a spelling error. I have to. Try it yourself, write it down, hit send, it wonāt work. Plus, some of the crazies I have to deal with on here definitely reinforce my serial killer theory. Someone asked if I get recognized a lot. No, I rarely do. The world is a big place and my footprint on it isnāt really any bigger than most peoples. Plus, Iām wearing clothes. Most of you know me with little to no clothes on, so the outfits throw you off. I think if I walked around naked a bunch more people would recognize me. Iād do it, but we still have to pay cash bail here in FL and I would eventually run out of money.
2021-02-07 13:39:12 +0000 UTC View Post
I have way too much time on my hands today... just saying ā¤ļø
I have way too much time on my hands today... just saying ā¤ļø
2021-02-06 17:34:53 +0000 UTC View PostJust a quick video to get the day started. I will be back w..
Just a quick video to get the day started. I will be back with more shortly š
2021-02-06 17:06:10 +0000 UTC View PostStuffing my face with food since I can't get it stuffed with..
Stuffing my face with food since I can't get it stuffed with dick... or pussy, I would have settled for pussy š
2021-02-05 22:46:06 +0000 UTC View PostHello everyone, it is basically a āFuck meā¦ itās Fridayā day..
Hello everyone, it is basically a āFuck meā¦ itās Fridayā day. As Bill Cosby used to say, āItās Friday Ladies, Drinks are on me.ā I am thinking power tools and lots of lube. Friday, my second favorite āFā word. Take a guess at my first. Just saying. What do I have planned? Not a clue. I sent a message or two and nobody responded. I must not be popular this week. One person who I wrote about in one of these moronic blogs I somehow end up typing out said I could, and I quote, āGo fuck myself.ā Which if things keep going the way they are at this very moment, I just might end up doing. Happily, I might add. Some of you might want to know what his problem was. Not actually the blog. The fact that I never set up another date. The sex wasā¦OK? I guess? He asked me why I never called him back. I told him I wanted the sex to be magicalā¦ so I fucked him and disappeared. I donāt think he got it. Some people just want to talk. Talk to God, your therapist, we are either fucking or we are not. Am I the only one who thought LMAO meant āLick me all over?ā One of those lick me top to bottom and then get busy at the middle things. Helpful hint for guys: If you feel the urge to put something inside meā¦ at least lick it first. Just saying here. I was told that I need to be more supportive. That I should encourage people to follow their dreams. But what if their dream is stupid? And let me tell you, some shit I hear is pretty stupid, even for my standards. Asking for a friend. I should probably text something inappropriate to someone. See if I can get them to respond. Worth a shot. Cam shows are fun. I like doing them. I am not a camgirl though. I do cam shows, and yes I charge for them, $50 for 10 minutes, but I donāt do them to pay my bills. Some of you feel that I am some kind of camgirl sitting around waiting for you to pay me so I can buy a bag of dope or catch up my rent that is two months behind. I donāt have cam schedules, nor do I want to make a cam schedule. If it works out, it works out. I never ask for anyone to pay in advance in case my dogs demand me to stay out later with them in the swamps and I miss our time. Cam shows are supposed to be fun, something kind of special. Sitting around waiting for someone to buy a show isnāt fun. If I do a cam show with you, it will be fun because I actually want to be there. Otherwise, I wouldnāt even bother. When you go to these cam sites where they wait for you to show up, your getting played. From the second they see you to the second they end it, you got played. Hell, Ive been played. I have paid many a cam girl money to listen to her tell me how hard she is cumming. Complete BS. Still, I enjoy looking at certain women naked and am willing to ignore that fact. However, if you want to do a show with me, I refuse to do them for the sake of 50 bucks. My box refuses to do them for $50. When I get on cam with you, I expect you to bring your A game because my box is bringing itās A game. Itās on Mr. I can do like maybe two, three a day most and then it isnāt fun anymore. Itās work. I refuse to turn camming into work. My point? Donāt get all pissy with me if I donāt jump through hoops to keep your schedule for a cam show. Why? Again, because I got shit to do and I am not a camgirl. Bear with me and I will do shows with you. I have lots of guys I love doing shows with, but they get it. When we do our shows, itās not a business transaction, itās personal. I know their names, their interests, what they like. The way it should be. To the annoyance of some. I spend an extraordinary amount of time with my dogs outdoors. Couple hours a day. Not on the leash. They run wildly through the swamps and woods. I feel awful for them if I donāt get them out there. If you ever wanted to know where I disappear to most of the time. Itās a safe bet I am in the swamps. Yes, I am packing. I keep a SIG 9 strapped on my side. You never know when a wild pig, gator, bear, gets a hair up its ass and wants to take it out on me or the dogs. Snakes? Of course. Only one dog hasnāt been bitten by a poisonous snake. Itās a $250-$350 trip to the Vet ER. They get an antibiotic, anti-inflammatory, and a pain shot. They have sent me home the same day two out of the three times. The third time was with Bart and he was 14, so they wanted to watch him. Back to normal the next day. They take it way better than we do. Way better. We are talking all face bites here. One time a Copperhead got stuck on Amberās lip. My next post will be better. Promise.
2021-02-05 17:19:49 +0000 UTC View PostPost 1 of 3: OK, folks bear with me today, I got a killer h..
Post 1 of 3: OK, folks bear with me today, I got a killer headache that just came on like all the sudden and I can't kick it. I feel fine otherwise, just someone is behind my eyes nailing shit with a hammer. Anyway, I have a lot to get to today but I am going to slow it down a bit and see if I can kick this bastard real quick. I forgot to post these pics a few weeks ago when I took them but after looking at them, I don't think I turned out to shabby if you know what I mean. Let me know what you think. I will be back as soon as I find the fucker nailing in my head and kick his ass.
2021-02-03 19:15:09 +0000 UTC View Post
Hello everyone, I am back and here it the video that I said ..
Hello everyone, I am back and here it the video that I said I would put up. It isnāt much, itās all I could get. When you are in the heat of getting your box completely owned by a dick from @u125291845 , you donāt worry too much about anything else. I had the frame of mind to have him video the end result, but thatās about it. Iām sure you know what Iām talking about. That post fuck I donāt give a fuck thing that happens. So, check it out and let me know what you think! I watch a few chicks on Twitter do their thing mainly for the entertainment value. I am fascinated by their egoās, and their completely false personaās and generally their level of contempt for the universe. One has just posted that she never gets fat shamed because she isnāt fat. Yes, that will cause an uproar in the ever moronic social justice warrior community. Is she telling the truth? Absolutely, she is anything but fat. I have zero problems with her postā¦ except that it seems to be made randomly and for the express purpose of making someone or some people feel bad. She isnāt answering anyone or countering something directed at her. I am all about firing back when fired upon. My issue is she just randomly made that post. To cause a stir. To be a dick for the sake of being a dick. Because she could. For that, I would like to punch her in the nose just for being a tard stick. Why? Because I can. Stuff. Someone asked me what they could do to make me happy the other day, and I replied, āFucking, I like fucking.ā And he left. Being forward is too much for some folks. Just saying. Some else asked me what I wanted out of life. In this order I want to: Fuck hard, talk dirty, laugh a lot, and eat well. Sounds pretty good to me. Other than the eating part, itās all pretty much budget friendly. I listen to girls complain about pussy problems all the time. The trials and tribulations of being the proud owner of a vagina. I have no complaints. Mine gets wet just doing day to day normal things. That I would put in the good pussy problems column. Keep it clean, keep it used, everything runs smoothly. Itās like anything else. Donāt change the oil and never start it, shit starts to fall apart. You will never get 250K miles on a car unless you drive the damn thing. Fire that box up and put some miles on it. Oper her up and let her run. What a weird way to say go get laid. Catch you all in a bit!
2021-02-02 17:36:35 +0000 UTC View PostPost 1 of 2 : I know I have been a little quiet today, but ..
Post 1 of 2 : I know I have been a little quiet today, but I just canāt catch a break here. I had people show up unannounced, a birthday party to get through, and a dog that got itself into a mood. Letās just say Amazon is not a fan of coming to my house. Letās also accept it as a fact that my dogs are not fans of Amazon coming to my house. Just saying. One thing led to another and things got out of control quickly. Nobody is bloody, and other than maybe a mild case of PTSD, all is well. Everyone knows what I do. When they come to my house, they know there is a chance that I might be doing something others deem inappropriate. Iām not a renter, I own it, I can do what I want inside its confides. Again, they all know this. So when I answer the door in a robe it should be common knowledge you are interrupting coitus of some fashion or another. Donāt stand there and talk to me about how much the house two doors down is up for sale. I donāt give a shit. Actually, I do, morons from up North will pay anything for a shack and think they got a good deal. Tax values go up and I have to pay more because they think their 150K shack is worth 350K. I digress. Two neighbors both came over while I was trying to make some spank bank material and wouldnāt fucking leave. Till I told them to leave. I hate having to do that, but Iām working here. By the time I finished with the both of them, it was time to get shit ready for the birthday party. I donāt mind setting up birthday parties for people. It makes me feel good knowing they enjoy themselves. They can be time-consuming, though. Look, what Iām saying here is its hard to be the neighborhood ho and hostess at the same time. Anyway, where was I? Who knows. One time I bought a new dildo. I do that from time to time. This was back when you went to the store to buy dildos. I used it on myself on the way home. I couldnāt wait. I put it in the back seat and somehow forgot it was there. I took my car in to have the transmission looked at as it was new and was making a noise. I forgot all about the massive dildo. When I picked up my car, it was sitting on the front seat in a zip-lock bag. I was wondering why all the mechanics stopped and stared at me when I got to the Nissan dealership. Shit happens. Never leave your dildos on the kitchen table and forget about them. It makes your neighbors very uncomfortable when you invite them in and have to put them away. Remember, I was the one who told you that. Itās helpful information to have. I sent a text to a guy this morning and asked him if he wanted to come over and watch porn on my flat screen mirror. He didnāt get it. Hell, you may not get it. Am I the only one who gets it? He did come over and left a lump of sperm in my guts, which I filmed for you. I was able to film it because it was so lumpy and sticky it took for fucking ever to get it to drip out. If I didnāt want you to see it, I would have just left it inside of me and greased my way around the block a time or two. Why arenāt you seeing it on this post? Because I had to have him use his phone and we forgot to take it off of it so I could post it. Heās bringing it over in the morning, so what he left up inside of me will be up on a post in the morning. Just so you know. When you cum inside of me, I own a piece of you. You have no say in the matter and Iām not giving it back. If you cum inside me too much, I will end up owning you entirely. Just saying. Cummer beware.
2021-02-02 00:09:58 +0000 UTC View PostPost 2 of 2 Just so you know, I took all of these with a ce..
Post 2 of 2 Just so you know, I took all of these with a cell phone and a PIVO on a tripod. Not to shabby for a cell phone if you ask me.
2021-02-02 00:08:03 +0000 UTC View PostJust a quick one for now. I broke out the old video camera ..
Just a quick one for now. I broke out the old video camera as the person filming this could not keep their finger off of the lens of my my camera phone and she knocked over my light so I had to use an old florescent light which makes me look a zillion years old with all the shadows. I was so looking forward to shooting this video, or at least my box was and my friend, bless her non movie shooting heart, did her best. So, I am now demanding that she finish me properly. She is not into girls though and is hesitating on me. She is going to be in trouble if I have to break out the double dong. I will let you know.
2021-02-01 17:36:34 +0000 UTC View PostItās been one of those days. I woke up wet this morning. I..
Itās been one of those days. I woke up wet this morning. I am still kind of fired up over last night and I canāt get anyone to stick their dick in me. Everyone has stuff going on or they're working. Likely excuse, I say. But then again, that might be my vagina talking for me. So, I am going to use a silicone man to get the job the done. I havenāt started yet, but as soon as I get the energy up, I will get the job done. Itās just one of those days. I wonāt sleep unless I get off, so no use in fighting it. That guy fucked me good last night. I still canāt walk properly. Sometimes when a guy fucks me right, when he has his dick in me, I canāt tell where he ends and I begin. Itās like his dick becomes part of me. Hard to explain if you donāt have a vagina but very erotic all the same. Someone told me I try to be sexy. I donāt try to be anything. I just move around in a sexy way. Nothing wrong with that. Who cares if someone tries to be sexy? Is there some kind of rule that says you shouldnāt? If there is I didnāt see it and I certainly didnāt vote on it so as far as Iām concerned, it doesnāt exist. I say fly the sexy flag, itās a lot more fun to look at! Same person said being sexy isnāt about how you look itās a state of mind. I concur. I think I do both quite nicely. She is a bit heavy. Well, a bit may be an understatement. I think she is angry with me because Iām not fat. Fat women bitch and moan about being persecuted, but I find they are the ones doing the persecution most of the time. I could be wrongā¦ but again, I doubt it. She doesnāt like my views on life either, but again; I donāt care if you donāt like what I say, I never got the memo that said I have to speak to please these people. Personally, I like what I have to say. Hereās a rule to live by when it comes to people. Never do the same mistake twice. Unless they are really fucking hot. Then make all the mistakes you want. I am shallow like that. You know what turns me on? When you tell me exactly what you want me to do to you. That shit makes my box turn on like a faucet. I donāt know why, it just does. Not sure why Iām telling you this yet I am. Anyway, that is all for the night. I will catch you all in the morning!
2021-02-01 00:38:39 +0000 UTC View PostSorry about the silence after todays post but I had a few th..
Sorry about the silence after todays post but I had a few things to take care of. Mainly shaving a bush. I will elaborate tomorrow. Thanks for your patience, please resume your normal activities.
2021-01-30 03:33:53 +0000 UTC View PostDid you ever sit at work doing nothing, bored out of your mi..
Did you ever sit at work doing nothing, bored out of your mind just waiting to go homeā¦ and do nothing. Been there. Tick Tock, tick tock. Itās times like these I like to touch myself. I canāt tell if Iām masturbating because Iām bored or because Iām horny. Just saying. Blowing @u125291845 Itās funny how people trust stuff, no matter what. Like soap dispensers. People always assume there is soap in the soap dispensers. I like to fill mine with silicone lube just to teach them a lesson. If this happens to you, donāt shit yourself. I know it seems hard to get off and you will forever be stuck with slippery fingers. But with a little shampoo or conditioner, presto, itās gone. Dishwashing liquid works as wellā¦ itās basically shampoo. That is āHo trick number 72a. That one is free. The next one is 5 bucks. Stay with me here, Iāll keep you up to speed. So, Iām hanging out with some āproperā ladies. They all know what I do, but I think they keep me around so it adds a bit of edge to their little group. I do what I can not to disappoint. One has been married for 24 years and never given a blowjob. Wow. So my next question was, have you ever been eaten out? Of course she hasnāt. Itās too gross down there. So I ask the others the same question and they donāt want to answer but the general consensus was yes, they have given head and received as well. Not often, mind you, but they get an āAā for effort. So, I try to describe the thrill and benefits of both giving and receiving head, but she just isnāt getting it. Actually, none of them are. So I decide a visual aid is what we need to sink things in. So I break out the phone and show them this video you are, were, or will be watching on this post. It was like a horror movie to them, but they all watched the entire clip. I hadnāt edited it yet, so it was like two minutes long. Then they watched it again. Iām thinking, proudly I might add, my work is done here. At the end, I got all the required āwe are so shockedā comments. You know, generally the āHow could you?ā comments. Iām like, hey, you invited me, you know who I am, who did you think was going to show up? And we moved on. Why am I telling you all of this nonsense? Because this morning I get a text from not just one, but two of them. The first one was from āJā names are not complete to protect the somewhat innocent. J wants to tell me she had the best sex of her life last night and wants to know where she can get more videos to watch. She does not know how to find porn on the web. WTF? So I tell her where to look. Iām thinking this chick is 48, 48 fucking years old, and she is just now discovering the power of her box? In a way, I am so happy for her and in another so sad. She spent most of her adult life sexless. I picture the sex she had as a once a month or so chore to get over with. She is going to be vagina dynamite now. Hell, her vagina is probably reaching nuclear strength explosion at this point. Her poor husband. I bet he cheated. He wonāt have to anymore. This chick has gone into full dick beast mode. Iāve been there, dicks will get hurt. Once you cum, I mean really cum, itās all in the rear-view mirror. Itās full speed ahead and nothing is going to stop you. I wish her safe travels. On to the next chick. My oral virgin. Yes! I made a believer out of her. She simply texts āI did it!ā with a big smiley face. I write back, āCongrats!ā I am feeling pretty good about myself, about this time when she texts back with a picture of her taking a selfie with a dick in her mouth. Brought tears to my eyes. I know her husband was probably crying like a baby with tears of joy. Married 24 years and never got a blowjobā¦ from her, that is. Iāve seen him, heās a good-looking guy. He could get a blowjob, no problem. The question remained, though, did he go down on her. Turns out he wanted to, but she couldnāt get past herself. This is where it gets a bit awkward. She apparently has a rain forest going on down there bush wise. She wants it trimmed up, so I told her pitter patter get at her. She doesnāt know how and is afraid she will cut herself. Oh for fuckās sake, billions of women everyday get through this successfully but OK. I tell her to go get a trim at a manicure place. She isnāt having it. She is too embarrassed. She wants me to help her. Normally, not a problem. However, this chick is hot. In a super hot conservative MILFY kind of way. I donāt know that I could help myself. I will probably end up licking her and telling her it will keep the shave bumps down. I am discovering that I have a rather unique set of life problems. Yes, I am going to do it. I havenāt told her but lets just be honest here. I am dying to see her naked. Creepy, I know, but then again, you only live once. I will keep you posted on the events that transpire in this matter. If I have a black eye, the next time you see me, you will know things went horribly wrong. Catch you all later!
2021-01-29 15:39:50 +0000 UTC View PostOk guys, here is the video before the video. I know, kind o..
Ok guys, here is the video before the video. I know, kind of weird, but go with it. The whole thing went horribly wrong as far as porns go. My box didnāt complain, but the world of porn just might. I admit it; I hate shooting with regular porn dudes because more times than not they are pathetic in the sack. However, with that said, they are willing to do whatever it takes to keep the penis nice and stiff. Drugs, shots, whatever, they will do it. Plus, they donāt care about other people in the room filming them. Regular guys, much better at sticking it in me. Much worse at shooting porn. So, we started out, and all was good. Then he couldnāt cum. Holding the camera, keeping the position and getting the shot, all of that was a bit much. So, not being one to waste an erection, we fucked off camera. He blew a massive load in my box after I blew my box out, cumming on his dick. All of that should have been in the video, but yet here we are. So we waited an hour and finished the video on take two. It really didnāt turn out to bad, but his second load was not near as impressive as the first. Apparently his testicles just donāt work that fast. I was going to put it up tonight, but now looking at I am going to have to edit it. Some of his camera work will make you seasick. But all in all, itās a decent little video. Actually, I canāt believe it came out as good as it did. Oh, the perils of making porn. See, nobody else will tell you these things. Itās all fun and games till someone gets their dick bent the wrong way. Which happens more than you would think. I think I will start posting the fuckups and real workings of porn. Itās quite entertaining. I have an entire catalog I have accumulated over the years of fuckups. Am I the only one who gets emails from nut jobs telling me God, Allah, Buddah, whoever, hates me? Itās annoying. I have one thing to say about all that. Going to church doesnāt make you a holy person any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Just saying out loud. Shit, all of a sudden it started thundering outside. Is that lightning? I know a porn chick who thinks nobody cares if sheās alive or not. I told her she was wrong. She didnāt believe me so I told her to miss a few car payments and she will find out real fast if people care if sheās alive or not. She gave me the finger. How rude. I was just trying to help. In my own special way. Real comment. āYour entire life is nothing but a vast series of mistakes fueled by porn.ā I copy and pasted that from Twitter. My response is as follows: Some mistakes are way too fucking fun to make only once. (In my mind I am now stiff arming and dropping the mic) I am sure he will think of something to respond with. He just hasnāt done so yet. Man, I got fucked good today. You know you got fucked good when you are just tired. Not in a bad way, but in my pussy just got nut blasted, and it needs a damn nap kind of way. I had one of those cums that starts where you tense up, hold your breath, and something lets loose in your head and you can feel the sex dope just pouring over your brain. Sex dope. Very medical of me. But basically thats what it is. They should bottle sex dope. Maybe they did. I think itās called heroin. Anyway, catch you all tomorrow. I will have that video ready for you!
2021-01-29 01:52:13 +0000 UTC View PostHello everyone. Yep, we are starting off with some pics. I..
Hello everyone. Yep, we are starting off with some pics. I got em, so you are seeing them! Whatās new? I was asked to read a blog some ding dong wrote, which I did. So, I powered through this chickās porn blog and I feel for you guys who have to read mine. Let me be clear for anyone who lives in a massive woke fog, you are not gay if you watch boy/girl porn, which is possibly one of the dumbest statements ever. She tries to shame you into agreeing with her but if you do, you would both be wrong. For fucks sake, you are not gay for watching porn. She is a moronic woke social justice warrior that wouldnāt know gay if it slapped her in the pussy. I know a little about this. Gay is only when you want to go on an afternoon picnic and cuddle up, hold hands, and kiss each other on the cheek, all because it feels right. We simply define anything else as āsexually adventurous.ā Are we clear? Good. Moving on. Last note to the person who asked me to read it. She is an idiot who not only thinks her opinion is the only opinion, she thinks itās a fact. A common ailment in todayās āwokeā society. Everyone knows I am the only one who gets things right. Just kidding. Or am I? Ho hum, I need a dick to strum. Yet here I sit without one. Here is a strange one. Sometimes I think of your dick as testicle straw used to get the good stuff out of your nuts. Now you know. Sometimes a girl just needs a dick. Well, pretty often actually, but half a dozen, six the other. Problem is sometimes, they attach a real dick to the dick that you want. So my mind is like, do I really want to text him and deal with him? And my pussy is like text that motherfucker!ā¦ need dick now! I end up texting that mother fucker. Pussy rules the world. Even the owner itās attached to. I donāt think I fall in love much. My vagina does, but I donāt. Which is a problem because I assure you my box makes some pretty questionable decisions. It is times like these that if your dick touches my insides correctly; I am not responsible for the damage my vagina may do to your testicles when they experience sudden evacuation. I am just saying. Helpful tip. An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough. Again, just saying. Someone questioned why I am no longer a respiratory therapist. I gave that up so long ago it almost seems like I never did it. Why did I quit? I donāt know. I guess I thought I wanted a career, but it turned out that I just wanted a paycheck. I finally gave it up for good when I had a few porns under my beltā¦ or in my beltā¦ or whatever and I have zero, and I do mean zero, regrets for doing so. I assure you my life took a massive turn for the better. I do have a few videos cumming up for you today. All were made today, so you know you are getting fresh and current stuff. Thatās important. Itās OK to throw in the old stuff as long as you keep it fresh with a healthy dose of fresh stuff. So watch for it!
2021-01-28 20:29:04 +0000 UTC View PostAll of those who tipped me I will send you a personalized th..
All of those who tipped me I will send you a personalized thank you video in the morning so watch for it and good night everyone ā¤ļøš
2021-01-28 04:02:42 +0000 UTC View PostSo I made a porn today. It isnāt a polished porn, but itās ..
So I made a porn today. It isnāt a polished porn, but itās a porn. The guy @u125291845 found out holding the camera and fucking is difficult to do. I will not lie to you. We paused in the middle of it and fucked till I got my cum on, then went back to the video. Sometimes you gotta do that. When the pussy wants to cum, the pussy wants to cum. He couldnāt the job done for me holding the camera, so we put it down and he slipped a thumb in my ass and his dick in my box and boom. Instant orgasm. He fucked me till he was right on the edge and then fumbled for the camera and did all kinds of goofy shit with it, but no matter, he got the job done mostly correct. Was it fun? Hell yes, it was fun. He will be much better at it next time, so looking forward to that as well. Enjoy it! I havenāt asked for a tip in months but I am going to do so today so if you can, it would be much appreciated! I will get a personalized video in return on anything $25 and over. I have some more stuff going up today so watch for that as well!
2021-01-27 19:20:52 +0000 UTC View PostHere is a video I forgot I even had. Itās with Deauxma @dea..
Here is a video I forgot I even had. Itās with Deauxma @deauxma , so it has to be good. It certainly was a slippery slope filled event, I can assure you of that. Take a look and let me know what you think. We shot it at her place in San Antonio, TX. We shot quite a few videos on that trip. I stayed with her for a week, if I remember correctly. It was fun for sure. I am shooting a video with a guy today and I plan on putting that up sometime this afternoon so watch for that! I am looking forward to that. I feel like a mouthful of cum today. I normally want it in me, but I think I will drink his sperm today. It just sounds, I donāt know, delicious. It should be good! I would use the powers of my magical devil vagina to dry up his testicles, but I want that taste in the back of my throat. The one that stays with you all day. Sperm burps, basically. I am catching myself touching my box, thinking about it. So, watch for it today, Mr! Got another one complaining about my use of words. Vagina, penis, sperm and so on. They are to āclinical and not attractive wordsā I am not sure what the world is cumming to these days. I like the term sperm. It rhymes with term, so how could it be an unattractive word? Sperm, to me, sounds like, oh, I donāt know, fun. Nobody seems to complain about it when I am turning their testicles into dried up raisins after forcefully removing all the āspermā from them. Maybe I could rename into something more āwoke.ā How about Creme De La Penis? Does that work. Give me all your Creme De La Penis now, I want it now! No, I think, āSperm my fucking vagina now, motherfucker!ā works better. Just one girlās opinion. I could be wrong. Iām not. Holy moly, now I gotta keep in mind the folks who donāt like unattractive words. There is no end to this silliness we live in today. Iām pretty sure I just a sub here, but Iām not changing my vernacular for anyone. Vernacularā¦ I am surprised I even pulled that big girlās word out of my head. Hope I used it right! Fuck, hope I spelled it right. Yes, I am a slut. If I were a video game, they would rate me E for everyone. Iām just saying. I like being a slut. No, no I donāt. I love being a slut. I live and breathe to solely be a slut. I am not a spring chicken, but my desire to fuck is only getting stronger each day. I am like a super slut. I even have magical slut powers. What are they you ask? I donāt know. Iām just making this up as I go, so just go along with me here. The slut part is factual, magical powersā¦ I leave that up to your dick to decide. If I did the test at Ancestry DNA, it would come back as 85% slut, 10% whore, and 5% vanilla. I would be satisfied with that result, though we could probably bump that whore number up a bit. I like it when people try to humiliate me for being a world class slut. āOMG! You are such a whore; you fuck so many people and do such vile thingsā¦ your disgusting.ā Umā¦ OK, Iām getting laid often and you're not. Somehow in your eyes Iām the loser? Tell me thatās not a game played with ass backward rules. āBut you're a girlā¦ youāre not supposed to do that!ā Yes, yes I am, and I have a vagina to prove it. If used properly, it cums. Like it was meant to do. It didnāt come with a recommended amount of cums or users. It is one of those unlimited use things. It likes to cum. Hell, I would go so far it lives and breathes to cum. You should try it sometime. Once your box finds that magical penis that makes it quiverā¦ you will know what Iām talking about. Donāt find it the first timeā¦ keep looking till you do. Always keep looking, itās a fun search no matter how it pans out. Whoa, I am getting very bizarre here, so I should end this now! Catch you all in bit, I will be posting later, and yes, I have more pics as well as videos. I know, photos, again. I like pictures. I figure if I post enough you will learn to like them as well. Just keep in mind I grew up in the porn world where photos were king. Remember all those magazines like Club, Playboy, Hustler, Chic, Fox, I had subscriptions to them all and I appeared in all of them at one time or another. Lets just say I am nostalgic about photos. But donāt worry, I got videos as well today so there! Love ya Brooke
2021-01-27 13:53:27 +0000 UTC View Post